Saturday

It has been a good week overall. This morning I awoke with a stronger headache, which is a bit frustrating. But despite a more painful head, it was a good day. Our older two kids played their violin & cello with a cousin on the violin and aunt on the piano for a wedding. It was just beautiful! I am so proud of all of them! The four will be playing for church in the morning so it will be fun to enjoy the music once more.

I ran into a friend I haven't seen for a while, and it was good to hear how she felt that I looked so much better! She has seen me through many of the tougher times. I have said this many times, but it is just hard to believe that it has been a year since I've had a hospital stay and a year since a surgery. What a blessing and a relief that I can actually stay healthy this long. Sometimes I feel like I am just waiting for the next time--like it is an inevitable thing. Actually it really is inevitable because I know these shunts won't work forever, but I hope that it is so long before they have to be replaced that I actually forget to think about it until it happens! For a while there it was so constant that it felt like it wouldn't end. So a year is really an accomplishment.

Tuesday

Well, Tanner is officially a high schooler. He had his first day--a half day--today. From what I can pry out of him, it seems that it was a good day! I am so thankful!

While we were at the freshman orientation, a lady that I have known in the past asked me how my headaches have been, not knowing about the surgeries, etc. She then told me that a relative about my age had been struggling with headaches and it sounded very similar to me with the noise sensitivity, etc. She died this spring and they discovered that it was due to an aneurysm. She said that she had been thinking a lot about me hoping that I had some resolution. What sad story to hear, and a bit sobering to me. I know that it so easily could have been me. But the Lord isn't finished with me yet.

Sunday

I haven't written for a while. My headaches have continued to vary quite a bit, but overall stronger and more uncomfortable. This becomes discouraging after a while. However, yesterday was the best day that I have had for a while. It was hot and humid but that doesn't necessarily affect me while the fluctuations do. My headache was very mild and I was able to do more than I typically do without the headache increasing. What a blessing it was to have a good day! Today started very good but this evening it is a little stronger--but definitely not bad.

Although the headaches have been more bothersome, it still has not been nearly as bad as they had been "before." I am very thankful for that. I have been told that I am looking so much better, and I have noticed that people don't comment about me looking ill. That is such a blessing and something that I had looked forward to for a long time. Along with it, though, is the challenge that although I look "normal" again I still don't have the strength to do nearly as much as I used to. I think along with looking better comes they normal expectations that I am not able to accomplish. Rather strange challenge, but a challenge none the less.

School starts this week. Tanner officially starts high school on Tuesday and the younger three on Wednesday. Back to a schedule, which should be a good thing, and hopefully a little more quiet time for me which should also be good. But it also becomes more busy with the extra stuff so we'll see how it all comes together. Tanner is definitely ready for high school. It is amazing how time passes so quickly. I remember his first day of pre-school when he was to introduce me by name with the other preschoolers and parents and we discovered that he didn't know my name! He introduced me as mom. It was so cute! Now he starts high school.

Wednesday

Still working on the melancholy. The weather continues to be very unsettled and consequently my head is really fluctuating in pain intensity. Right now I dream of someday living in a place that has no fluctuation of weather. Probably a dream that won't be fulfilled until I enter heaven's gates!

We registered Tanner last night for high school. Wow! I am not sure if I am ready for that step, but ready or not here we go! Tuition goes up considerably, too. Ouch! But so, so worth it to us. We are thankful that the Lord has provided the means and desire for our chidren to be educated in Christian schools. What a blessing to see our kids spending a large portion of their days being taught from a Christian perspective. We pray for our kids each day and are thankful for this opportunity, so no more complaining about tuition! :)

melancholy

I would describe myself quietly melancholy lately. As the new school year approaches I am a bit discouraged that I can't see more improvements in my strength and even in my headaches leveling out a bit. Yes, I am so much better than I was a year ago. I guess as humans we always want more than what we have and my desire is better health.

I need to get this out of my system and get back to being content in all circumstances, as Paul says we need to be. It certainly should be easier to find contentment now compared to where I have been "before."

Part of the reason that I might be struggling a little more is because it has been so very busy and stressful with the weather related problems around us. It has been rather intense and that just doesn't work as well for me.

Monday

It is definitely a Monday. So many have water in the basement with the record breaking rains we are having.

I am doing ok. It seems like I am still fluctuating with headache intensity, and that may just be how life will be from now on. Satuday was a rough day with a stronger headache, but yesterday was not as bad. I still have some pain where I hit my head a few weeks ago.

Life is just so difficult, and there are so many hard things. It certainly has caused me to yearn more for the Lord's return. I think of all those dealing with the weather related losses, financial problems, health problems, marital discord, etc. So many heartbreaking situations that are difficult to understand this side of heaven. I know the Lord's plan is best for us, but isn't always so easy to accept when you see people struggling and hurting. Dear Lord, please come quickly!