Wednesday

It has been a while since I have written.  Seems like we have celebrated the good news for a while and now settling down into routines again.  All very good, normal things.  We are very thankful!

Overall I have just discomfort in my left side.  Now and then it will hurt more for a while, but then seems to recede again to discomfort.  My head took a slight turn for the worse Sunday evening.  I decided to go to physical therapy on Tuesday since it was staying and that seems to have turned things the other way.  I will go once more tomorrow and then we'll see how things go.

Strength continues to be my biggest challenge at this point.  I suppose that since I have been in varying levels of pain and disability for six years, I'm not just going to quickly pop out of it!  So we take things bit by bit.  I go to about all of the kids' activities, work a little more then half days and then try to rest in the afternoon so that I can get through the evenings.  Seems like this has been the routine for a long time now, and I don't see it changing anytime soon.  I can tell that my level of activity is increasing a little, which is good.  Humanly speaking, the waiting for additional strength is a challenge!  I hope that if I continue moving forward and trying to a little more bit by bit that gradually I will improve to the point that a full day isn't utterly exhausting!  :)

Having the "real" mom and wife has been probably a little challenging for my family.  Overall, very good but still just different.  I think it probably feels like they are living with a new person in the house and there are always periods of adjustment when someone "new" moves in!  The Psalms particularly provide so much solace to me.  The Lord has His hand upon me, He has a path laid out for us and it is a good plan.  It isn't always so easy, but He never promised easy.  But He did promise that He is always here, always plans each little part of our lives, and loves us more than we can comprehend.  With that knowledge we will continue to move forward, day by day, living for Him.

Saturday

We got the very best of news last night!  The gynecologic oncologist at Johns Hopkins had the ultrasound read by his radiologist  there and looked at it themselves.  They had an entirely different reading than the radiologist here!

The bottom line is that he does not believe that it is a tumor and therefore not cancer.  He gave it a fancy name, but it basically  means that the fallopian tube is blocked and therefore enlarged.  It is now 7cm x 4cm x 3cm.  Fairly good sized, but not anything to be alarmed about.  The blood flow that was noted is also normal because blood flow does go to the fallopian tube.  He feels that at this point, the surgery would be a higher risk for me than waiting to see what happens with this.  Since I have had many abdominal surgeries I have a lot of scar tissue and adhesion's so another surgery would further complicate those issues.  We will continue to follow it with another ultrasound around the middle of July.

I am so relieved!  Two nights ago I was watering our garden and I wondered if I would be around when all of the tomatoes started to ripen.  Last night Kyle and I had decided to go on a date knowing that it may be the last time we have the opportunity to do that for some time.  We got the call after we had left town and it was so fun to celebrate the good news rather than just try to enjoy our last outing for some time.

The Lord has been so good to us!  The last weeks have been difficult as we tried to prepare for another medical battle.  We are thankful that we chose to get the opinion from JH again and thankful that I didn't have surgery that would have turned out to be unnecessary.  It also reminded us that God is in control of all things and that we need to continue to trust!  This issue isn't done because they are going to continue to follow it.  If it becomes quite painful I still may need to have it removed but at this point we are thankful to just leave it alone and continue with normal life!  :)

Wednesday

As I was prepared, I did not get answers again today.  I called first thing this morning and JH discovered that the ultrasound, when uploaded, errored out meaning that it hasn't been looked at by anyone.  Why someone wasn't watching this is beyond me, but it is what it is.  So I don't know how many more days it will take, and they were unwilling to give me any idea.

I also received a call from the scheduler today in Omaha.  She knew nothing, but said that their first appointment will be July 2 for a consultation.  

So we continue to wait.

Tuesday

Still no news.  I am really hoping tomorrow is the day, but I also have a lot of experience in waiting for doctors.  So I hope it is tomorrow but know that it is just as likely that it won't be tomorrow.

It has become harder coping with this.  Perhaps it is similar to the steps of mourning.  First I was in shock.  Then I went through some time of anger at having to deal with yet another surgery.  Now I think the reality that I could have cancer has sunk in and thinking through the consequences of that potential answer.  We are praying that it is not cancer and that this will be a small hiccup in my recovery.  But it will be surgery number 7 in a twelve month period and I am so very sick of surgeries, dealing with doctors and all that this entails.  If there was a way to walk away from all of it I would but that really isn't an option.  Ultimately, I am tired.  Just very tired.  The thought of another medical challenge beyond a surgery is just too overwhelming to contemplate for long.

One step at a time, though.  God has a plan.  I may not like it, but I know and trust that all things are in His hand--me and my family.

Thursday

I don't have a lot of news.  JH just received the cd so it took much longer than overnight as expected.  They will review it and call next week.  We are also getting an opinion from a gynecologic oncologist in SF

I visited with my local doctor--who I so appreciate--and he explained that what hadn't been seen before with this cyst is that there is now blood flow to it.  It actually did grow a little bigger rather than get smaller.  It is "solid" in that it isn't the fluid filled cyst like usual.  He felt more positive, though, because I am not losing weight and not feeling sick.

So now we wait.  I am optimistic but perhaps I am just a hopeless optimist!  I can't imagine having cancer after everything else that has happened.  So perhaps it is called denial.  Regardless, we trust the Lord has a plan and we will continue just taking things one day at a time!

Monday

The "fun" may be beginning again.

Last Wednesday I had the ultrasound again but thought it would all turn out fine.  Evidently it didn't.  I spoke with my local doctor office and Johns Hopkins Gynecologic Oncologist and both seem to think that the cyst we've been watching is going to need to come out quickly.  I don't have final confirmation of this, but the two office expectations seemed to be similar in saying they are concerned and things will probably happen quickly.

I had the actual ultrasound sent overnight today to JH.  Previously I had just had the radiologist report sent there.  They hope to call me Wednesday after reviewing the ultrasound and then a plan will be made.  I am trying to mentally prepare for another medical journey.  We are praying that it will be a simple laproscopic surgery with an easy recovery.  Of course, ovarian cancer is the big concern and if they find that the surgery will turn into something much bigger.

We are all reeling in shock that this is happening.  Since I have been doing so well I really had put this out of my  mind and behind me.  Well, here it is again.  We trust that the Lord has a plan in all of this, but it isn't so easy right now!

I will post again when I know more.  Please pray for our family as we are dealing with an unexpected turn in the road.  Last week I was so happy as I walked through the hospital corridor for the ultrasound, thinking that perhaps my medical journey had ended.  Now it appears that I was privately celebrating too soon.