Sunday

I thought it might be interesting for you as it has been for me to compare how I was looking this summer in the hospital (holding my dear little nephew) and how I am looking now. I needed this reminder that I have improved so I had Tami email me the pictures she took this summer. I would say that I am looking a bit better! :) And you can check out my new hairdo! I actually have a style! (You can tell that I am still pretty excited about that!)

We enjoyed the Thanksgiving holiday, and spent time as a family talking about the many things we are thankful for. One of the things that came up often is that I am home and doing better than I was this summer.

We took a family trip up to Watertown Friday--about 2.5 hours away--and visited the King Tut exhibit they had there. We had wanted to take the kids up there for a while, but the exhibit is leaving Dec 5 so we knew we had to get it done. Then we stayed overnight and visited the Terry Redlin gallery the next morning. Of course, I was severely exhausted so Saturday afternoon and today have been mostly times of rest. But I made it! And it went pretty well overall. What a joy to be able to do something like that! The wheelchair came in handy and it is still quite a undertaking for me to do something like this, but still another thing to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving

I have so very much to be thankful for, and I hope each of you can find things to be thankful for in any circumstance that you find yourself. Sometimes we need to search a little further and reach inside a little more to be thankful. Last year at this time my family went to grandparents for Thanksgiving and I stayed home for the day. What a blessing that I will be able to go with my family and enjoy our fellowship with extended family! I am thankful that I am healthier than I was last year at this time, I have four healthy children that are growing in size and in their faith.

Sometimes it is hard to understand why we have struggles and why life can be so hard, in many ways including health but beyond that as well. I have learned through my struggles to yearn more and more for the Lord to come quickly. I don't think that I dwelt on that much before and now I think of the Lord's return so often! I spend much more time in devotions and prayer than I ever did before. So despite how difficult life has been, I truly have been blessed and have much for which to give thanks.

Now for the small things. First I was looking forward to just having hair--bald isn't so fun! Then I looked forward to having enough hair to cover my many scars on my head. Now I am excited that I have a hair style! Of course it is still quite short, but it actually looks like I may have chosen to have it like this! Progress and contentment. Although I will very quickly admit that I have learned that hair is not necessary--really is optional and not so important--it is really nice to have it again, styled. A learning curve!

Have a blessed Thanksgiving and give each of those you love a hug on this day of thanks. Try to focus on all the blessings that we have to be thankful for instead of the things we don't have. We each truly do have much to thank the Lord for.

I made it!

We were able to attend Tanner's concert yesterday. It was fabulous! The traveling was still a little challenging but I did much better this time then I did last year when we went. It wasn't very easy but if I think about how terribly miserable I was last year at this time, I will take where I am now thankfully. Today has been a recovery day. I am pretty tired and beyond the physical tiredness my head is hurting more again today. But we are enjoying a quiet day, although we went to Kylie's violing recital for a short time.

Tougher week

This has been a harder week. A few too many stresses and a bit of weather have made my head worse. Crazy that little things seem to really affect me like that, but they do.

Tomorrow we will watch Tanner and I am praying that my head clears up a little bit for that. We are pretty excited to go, though, and really hope that I tolerate the traveling and everything ok.

I got my hair cut today--that was pretty exciting! Don't worry--not much was cut off--but it does look like I have a "style" instead of just getting hair to grow. It also is styled to cover the scars better, which is nice. People tell me they aren't very noticeable but they are the first thing that I see when I look in the mirror and now I can't see them. Yeah! Another step.

Monday

I've had some big weeks again. Good things, but rather challenging sometimes, too. This Friday we are going to Ames to watch Tanner in honor's orchestra with his cello. Such a honor that he qualified! We are really proud of him. Huge day for me, though! Last year I barely made it through the concert with earplugs (he qualified with voice last year) and wasn't able to tolerate the trip home so we stayed overnight unexpectedly. We hope to do it in one day this time, and I am hoping it goes a little better for me. I think I am doing better with the head this year but my strength is definitely much worse. I guess we will see how it goes!

It seems that I have leveled out in the strengthening process. I am not seeing progress and still get a stronger headache if I try to push it. That is a little frustrating. But staying level is better than nosediving, so we will take this for now.

Tuesday

Last week was a little rough. Way to many things happening for me to keep up with. By Sunday I was fairly miserable but I had a quiet day besides going to church and had a great nap in the afternoon. Yesterday and today have been better then usual--awesome! The weather remains clear which seems to help and I feel a little better. My headache is still there, the ears still ringing away, but overall I have had a couple better days and for that I rejoice!

I ran into someone today that I haven't seen since before all of this began, so it has been a few years. She immediately asked me what was wrong with me. I feel like I am looking more "normal" then I have for a long time, but it must still be obvious that I am not well since it was the first thing she asked. Oh, well. I am still better then I was and I will take this gratefully.

Not much new

I haven't written for a while. I think about writing often but it seems like things have been holding fairly steady. My headaches are pretty constant but mild enough that I can function fairly normally as long as I stay away from a lot of noise and activity. The ear ringing is pretty constant again and seems a little louder, but again I can live with it.

Since the last time I wrote, I really just needed some time to adjust my attitude. As others reminded, many of us go through it and I have needed to work on that. I have been discouraged that things are coming back even though I should be thankful. Compared to what I was experiencing pretty steadily the last 3.5 years, the headaches are much better. I had so hoped that they would go away or at least come and go but it doesn't appear that that will happen for now. I just have to accept that this is the way it is and recognize that it could be so much worse.

My strength does not seem to be improving much. Although I have taken a break from going to physical therapy I have been doing the exercises at home but I don't seem to be progressing much. I remember one of the many doctors that I have seen told me that it may take around two years to regain my strength but I have really begun to wonder if I will not fully regain what I was before. Yes, I am 40 years old and depending on your perspective (namely your age) that can be considered getting older and normal to be slowing down or young and the benefits that come with youth. Either way you slice it, I hope that I do become stronger, both physically and mentally. I still can't deal with things all that well, particularly stressful situations that wouldn't have bothered me before and multiple activities occurring around me. As I tire or become overwhelmed it seems like my brain just starts slowing down and my head hurts more.

Maybe the realities of life as we all know it, with the ups and downs, good and bad, will be fine for me soon. I am getting there. God has been faithful.

One positive thing for me was that I was able to attend work meetings away for two days this week. It was challenging physically and mentally but yet it was so good to participate in them again. I am also excited to be attending the music concert our oldest two kids are participating in tonight. Today has been a quiet day mostly home recovering from my meetings and regaining the strength that I need to go tonight. Silence is still the most restful thing for me and my crazy head!