patience

I need to continue exercising patience. This has been a week where I feel like I can see that I have improved a bit. I am getting a little bit stronger and doing a little bit more. Today was a fun day. To celebrate my 40th and my dad's 60th birthday (our b-days are less then a month apart) we drove to Okoboji together and rode the Queen II boat ride around the lake then went out for supper. We did this without kids and just had a very relaxing and enjoyable time celebrating this milestone in both of our lives. My dad promised me while I was in the hospital that if I recovered from my illness we were going to celebrate--so we enjoyed that celebration today. I need to continue remembering that it is an accomplishment to simply be here, and my strength mentally and physically will come.

Another doctor visit

I visited the general surgeon yesterday. Overall it went well. He is a little puzzled by the rash and also said to give it another month or so. The pancreas issue was discussed and he felt that it could be another couple months before I am able to eat normally. He wasn't alarmed by it but just said that sometimes it just takes awhile for it to settle down and work normally. The pain in my right side under the rib may be the pancreas acting up and it may be from the tubing draining my shunt that is sitting in that area. Either way there isn't much that can be done about it and not overly concerning. Simply put, I need just give it all more time. He thought I was looking a lot better then when I was in the hospital. He is a very kind man.

I have been so blessed with good doctors. Dr Post in RV has just been wonderful, I appreciated the work of Dr Heffez immensely and now I have a new ns that is also kind and caring. I have much to be thankful for.

My head has been doing a little better since the adjustment to the shunt was done last week. Basically they are allowing the shunt to drain more fluid then before so it reduces the pressure within my head. Yesterday and today haven't been as good of days again but I am attributing that to the weather we are having today. But the weather isn't bothering me as much as it was so hopefully that is a good sign that the adjustment helped. Sometimes it seems as though each day is a battle of its own, between trying to eat things that settle, gaining strength but feeling weak, and dealing with my head. I am thankful to be where I am now, though. The Lord does use these tough times in our lives. I wouldn't have chosen this path but the Lord knew best.

Doctor visit

The visit went well today. The ct scan looked good--they always have so I wasn't too concerned about that. Since the headache is on again but staying very mild he decided to adjust the shunt to lower the pressure by 10%, which is a small adjustment. We are hoping that will help with the fluctuations weather seems to be causing and reduce the ringing in the ears. Overall he was pretty positive, though, and felt things were going pretty well. I think so, too. Like I told him, I think it is huge progress when I can have the radio on in the car. I haven't enjoyed or tolerated that for a long time.

The rash, which is a minor nuisance, he thought might be a result of having so many strong antibiotics for the period of time that I had them. I think it is anyone's guess at this point but hopefully it will go away in the next month or two. He was not surprised at all that I am still very weak and not doing a much yet--he felt that would definitely take more time after everything that happened. Again, patience is a virtue I need to keep working on.

I see the general surgeon on Monday and will talk to him about the pain in my pancreas (or liver) and the eating problems I am having.

Today was a good day. My mom took me this time and we got a little shopping done. I am wiped out--no surprise there!

Tuesday

Today we had doctor visits, but I was mistaken earlier--neither were for me. My appointments are on Thursday with the ns and then Monday with the general surgeon. I was mixed up. But the appointments went well and I was able to go along. We left first thing this morning and got home mid-afternoon. Kyle drove. I am wiped now, even though the shopping we did between appointments was in the wheelchair for me. I have to remind myself that I was a very sick person not so long ago because it frustrates me that I can be this exhausted from doing so little--just being out of the house seems to use up all my energy and strength.

I have to admit that I am getting a little discouraged. I really do know that I should not be surprised that it is going to take a lot of time to recover and regain my strength. But I still look at all that I cannot do and how I am overwhelmed by small things and get frustrated. On Sunday my dad turned 60 (happy birthday dad!) and so I had them over for dinner. Then I decided that I could just as well have my sister Renae and her family come too since I was going to pop a ham in the oven. My kids prepared the vegies on Saturday so it really shouldn't have been a big deal. It was a very big deal and totally wiped me out. A simple meal for 14 would not have even fazed me a few years ago and this time I couldn't get it organized--with mom and Renae helping a lot--messed up some things and was wiped by the time we sat down to eat. I shouldn't let it bother me and I know it will come but today I am just sick of it. I am so ready to live a normal life. I want to be able to take care of my family, do ordinary things and go to work effectively. I am thankful to be where I am today but I am allowing the frustration to get to me today. Tomorrow will be better.

Celebration

I have a list of things that I really would like to do, as I mentioned earlier. So many things I have been limited on because I couldn't tolerate the noise and movement around me. Well, one of those items on the list was attending a music concert and I had the privilege last night. Kyle and I attended a Steve Green concert and it was so awesome! What a gifted Christian man he is. It was a little too loud but I made it through the concert and really enjoyed it. What a blessing to be able to attend and enjoy--without earplugs! I had them along and thought about putting them in my ears but I really didn't want to have to do that unless I really had to. My head is a little more achy today but very tolerable--nothing like before.

Each good day is a blessing and we are appreciating each day that we are given that is good. I went in to the office yesterday and today for a little while. While hugely overwhelming at this point I will keep working at that and will hopefully get on top of everything eventually. Again, one day at a time. Next week Tuesday and Thursday I will be seeing the general surgeon and neurosurgeon. I will have the customary ct scan done of my head but I expect a good report from the ns. I am a little more concerned with my liver or pancreas. I continue to have pain in the area of my lower right rib and am still struggling with eating some foods. As long as my head remains pretty good I can deal with these other things.

Thank you for your prayers! As I get out a little more I run into people often that tell me they have been praying for me and our family. What a blessing that is!

Tuesday's thoughts

Time just continues to pass. Although I can't see myself growing stronger and getting better day by day if I step back and look back a few weeks then I can see that I am making progress. I went to the office for a little over an hour today to do some things and hope to start doing that regularly and very gradually get back into the swing of things again. What a process that is! I become overwhelmed so quickly right now but that hopefully will get better as time moves along. The kids start school two weeks from today and I think having more quiet time when I am home will help, too.

I have spent more time while struggling with health issues reading my Bible, especially the Psalms. The more I read through them the more comfort there is to be found. Today I was really struck by Psalm 139 and have read through it over and over. What beauty and comfort the Lord provides to us through the struggles David endured. I love verses 5 & 6: "You hem me in behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it." Then verse 16: "Your eyes saw my unformed substance (in the womb); in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me when as yet there were none of them."

Such comfort the Lord provides us during our struggles! I read a book studying the life of David. Did you know that from the time that he was annointed until the time that he became king they estimate to be 20 years? A great deal of that time he was fleeing for his life from King Saul, living in caves and suffering in many ways. He was a "man after God's own heart" but he suffered a great deal, fell into sin including adultry and murder, yet had a heart for God and is mentioned throughout the Bible--the only man considered a man after God's own heart. What comfort to me as a Christian that God disciplines those He loves and that if I have a heart of repentance He will forgive me. God is so good, and I think I have recognized that even more during these difficult times then I have during other times in my life. What a blessing to see God working out His ways in my life.

Thursday

Tanner and I are both doing pretty well. I think another storm must be coming because I feel it in my head again. I also ate more of a hamburger last night and must have eaten too much because I am having a lot of pain in under my right rib again. So I will have to watch that yet.

Another surgery?

Not for me. . .Tanner had oral surgery today removing his 4 impacted wisdom teeth. :) Sorry--I hope I didn't scare you! It seems to be a rite of passage--something each of us needs to do but not so fun. Tanner has done well and I am relieved that the first day is about done.

I continue to do fairly well. Ironically, these last two storms haven't bothered my head which is great with me. So is it the weather or was it just coincidental? Who knows--we'll see what the next few storms bring.

My strength seems to very slowly progress although I have a difficult time seeing it sometimes. I need to lay down for 1-2 hours a day yet and I'm hoping that can go away soon. It seems like I just get to the point that I can't keep going. Part of it is laying down and part of it is a need to get away from all noise and activity which I attribute to the weakness yet. I get overwhelmed at home everyday yet and look forward to just being able to get through a day without getting overwhelmed and not needing to lay down.

That being said, I am making progress and enjoying time with my family. I am hoping to go in to our office a little bit this week and start getting my feet wet again. I will be going very slow. I really need to get to the point that I can get through a full day at home and feel ok before I will be able to hit the office full strength and that might be a while yet. But I am making progress.