I had my ultrasound again today. I won't have any official results or decisions from the doctor for a while yet. However, I was able to find out two things. First, the complex cyst they are watching is still there but perhaps slightly smaller. Second, I have another cyst that is very large! To my untrained eye my guess would be that it isn't concerning but the tech thought that it is a complex cyst as well. She is surprised that I am not feeling pain with it. So now we will see what the doctor has to say.
My head is still doing well. I am just amazed that the Lord has answered our prayers in this way at this time. Today as I walked through the hospital to have the ultrasound done, I had to stifle excitement that perhaps I won't have to spend much time in hospitals in the future! I know hospitals are places of healing for which I am thankful, but I really have spent way to many days in hospitals over the last 6 years and I would prefer to call those days history!
It is interesting to me how life has changed. While my head was bad, I was providentially able to block conflict and difficult things from my mind. If I allowed myself to think about difficult things my head would just get worse very quickly. It truly was a gift from the Lord that let me so successfully block those things because I just couldn't deal with them. Now, however, I am not able to block those things. And there are some things going on right now that hurt and I would like to block them! There are so many blessings in having a clear head, but this has been the hardest part for me. In addition, I am seeing so many ways that I have lacked as a parent and wife over the last years and it has been a difficult transition for everyone, including myself, to have the "real me" back. Of course, even thought my head is much better I know that I still lack in many areas but I am trying to improve some things but it isn't easy.
In all of my prayers for healing, I really didn't think about the things that I would need to deal with if I were healed. I am so thankful and grateful for having the opportunity to begin living life a little more normally. But there are challenges that I didn't anticipate. Perhaps this is a reminder from the Lord that I will continue to rely on Him for all things and that He still is in control of each moment of my life.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Tuesday
I haven't written for a while, and that is a good sign! I continue to do well. I have so much to be thankful for!
The last two weeks have been very busy, though. It is starting to take its toll on me. I am enjoying and appreciating each thing that I have been able to do, from attending events my children are part of, graduation parties, and even talking to a great group of students at OCCS about my journey with the theme of perseverance. What an honor to be part of my family and friends in ways that I haven't been able to before! And I am so thankful that the Lord could use me humbly to talk to students about my life's journey the last six years.
However, I can feel that I need to figure out a way to slow down. I am just not feeling as well right now so I suspect my body is giving me a warning to watch it! If we can get through this week yet, I know many things will be quieter and easier. Again, they are all good things and things I am appreciating being a part of but just a little overwhelming. I truly do have so much to be thankful for!
The last two weeks have been very busy, though. It is starting to take its toll on me. I am enjoying and appreciating each thing that I have been able to do, from attending events my children are part of, graduation parties, and even talking to a great group of students at OCCS about my journey with the theme of perseverance. What an honor to be part of my family and friends in ways that I haven't been able to before! And I am so thankful that the Lord could use me humbly to talk to students about my life's journey the last six years.
However, I can feel that I need to figure out a way to slow down. I am just not feeling as well right now so I suspect my body is giving me a warning to watch it! If we can get through this week yet, I know many things will be quieter and easier. Again, they are all good things and things I am appreciating being a part of but just a little overwhelming. I truly do have so much to be thankful for!
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Saturday
I continue to marvel at my blessings. This week was a super busy week, with something every night. Last year I was not able to do much of anything and this year I made it to each event and enjoyed it! Tired? Of course, but still pretty awesome! I so appreciate the opportunities that God has granted me with better health!
As Mothers Day comes tomorrow, I think about my husband and children. Many times I asked the Lord to take me to my eternal home and now I am thankful that His answer was no. This celebration of Mothers Day is a joyful day for us, but for many that have lost a mother, it really is a sad reminder of those that are missed. I am thankful that my husband and children are celebrating and not mourning on this day.
We had a recital today that was impressive, a concert last night that was outstanding and enjoying each event was an accomplishment that I don't take for granted. Kyle and I celebrated 21 years of marriage on Thursday. It is such a blessing that we made it to this milestone! I am so thankful for a husband that has loved me and stood beside me in the "sickness" part of our vows of "in sickness and in health."
My strength is improving very slowly. I know that I am improving. Of course, I could always hope that it would be faster, but for now I am thankful that I am continuing to move in the right direction rather than the wrong direction.
As Mothers Day comes tomorrow, I think about my husband and children. Many times I asked the Lord to take me to my eternal home and now I am thankful that His answer was no. This celebration of Mothers Day is a joyful day for us, but for many that have lost a mother, it really is a sad reminder of those that are missed. I am thankful that my husband and children are celebrating and not mourning on this day.
We had a recital today that was impressive, a concert last night that was outstanding and enjoying each event was an accomplishment that I don't take for granted. Kyle and I celebrated 21 years of marriage on Thursday. It is such a blessing that we made it to this milestone! I am so thankful for a husband that has loved me and stood beside me in the "sickness" part of our vows of "in sickness and in health."
My strength is improving very slowly. I know that I am improving. Of course, I could always hope that it would be faster, but for now I am thankful that I am continuing to move in the right direction rather than the wrong direction.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Tuesday
Time is going by so quickly. It always seems as if May is a busy month and I am so glad that I am able to enjoy these activities! Last year at this time I was not really functioning at all and missed nearly everything going on. What a lot of progress I have made from a year ago!
I continue to improve, very slowly but surely. The Lord knows my future and His plan for my life. For now it seems that I may always have a smaller headache, but we will see. My strength is coming back slowly but I do wonder if I will regain all that I have lost over these years. For now I am just very thankful that I am able to do the things that are important to me with rest in between. My wheelchair continues to be my back-up plan if we go anywhere that requires much walking. I have made it completely around one block now, though, and that is a huge accomplishment for me! It has been a long time since I have been able to do that!
This blog began as a way for me to write down my thoughts about my health. Communication in any form with a strong headache is difficult. So this became a way that I could let people know how I am doing and so that people would know how to pray for me. Since I am improving so much, I am seriously considering ending this blog. My thoughts over the years have been that this would be a good record for my children to have. While they are young, it seems that they may not fully understand all that has happened through their childhood. I pray that they may have a deeper understanding of what our family has endured by God's grace when they are adults.
I hope to have this journal printed with the loving comments that have been written over the years. It would mean a lot to me if you have read this blog once or many times or even if you began the journey with me if you would write a comment. The comments don't need to be remarkable! I have had so many people over the years tell me that the read this blog but that they never comment. Some day it would be such a blessing for the kids to see that so many prayed for and cared for our family. The comments on this blog have been such a blessing to me!
I will probably write a couple more times, particularly after the next ultrasound. The Lord has blessed us so much!
I continue to improve, very slowly but surely. The Lord knows my future and His plan for my life. For now it seems that I may always have a smaller headache, but we will see. My strength is coming back slowly but I do wonder if I will regain all that I have lost over these years. For now I am just very thankful that I am able to do the things that are important to me with rest in between. My wheelchair continues to be my back-up plan if we go anywhere that requires much walking. I have made it completely around one block now, though, and that is a huge accomplishment for me! It has been a long time since I have been able to do that!
This blog began as a way for me to write down my thoughts about my health. Communication in any form with a strong headache is difficult. So this became a way that I could let people know how I am doing and so that people would know how to pray for me. Since I am improving so much, I am seriously considering ending this blog. My thoughts over the years have been that this would be a good record for my children to have. While they are young, it seems that they may not fully understand all that has happened through their childhood. I pray that they may have a deeper understanding of what our family has endured by God's grace when they are adults.
I hope to have this journal printed with the loving comments that have been written over the years. It would mean a lot to me if you have read this blog once or many times or even if you began the journey with me if you would write a comment. The comments don't need to be remarkable! I have had so many people over the years tell me that the read this blog but that they never comment. Some day it would be such a blessing for the kids to see that so many prayed for and cared for our family. The comments on this blog have been such a blessing to me!
I will probably write a couple more times, particularly after the next ultrasound. The Lord has blessed us so much!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Wednesday
Good news today! The doctors office called (early!) with the results of the ultrasound. Evidently in March the ultrasound showed the cyst as being 6.5 centimeters. It shrunk down now to to 1.8 cm. Since it is still a complex cyst, they still want to monitor it so I will have another ultrasound in 4 weeks. So glad that I'm not going to Baltimore for surgery for now! :) Great news!
The Lord has been so faithful to my family and I. What a blessing to know that nothing happens outside of our Lord's control. He has ordained for me each step, each joy and each sorrow and provides the grace to endure anything that He has ordered for my life. God's grace is always sufficient, no matter what! We have been to the point of total despair, longing for relief of pain that was beyond unbearable. Yet He was and is there, providing for us in such a beautiful way. I never would have chosen this path. I never dreamed that I would experience the incredible intensity of pain that I have experienced at times but God knew it. We would have also never anticipated the expressions of love and concern that have come from people close to us, those we haven't seen for years and many that we have never met! It is such a blessing to experience the body of Christ reaching out to us and enveloping us in love and prayer. We serve such an awesome God!
The Lord has been so faithful to my family and I. What a blessing to know that nothing happens outside of our Lord's control. He has ordained for me each step, each joy and each sorrow and provides the grace to endure anything that He has ordered for my life. God's grace is always sufficient, no matter what! We have been to the point of total despair, longing for relief of pain that was beyond unbearable. Yet He was and is there, providing for us in such a beautiful way. I never would have chosen this path. I never dreamed that I would experience the incredible intensity of pain that I have experienced at times but God knew it. We would have also never anticipated the expressions of love and concern that have come from people close to us, those we haven't seen for years and many that we have never met! It is such a blessing to experience the body of Christ reaching out to us and enveloping us in love and prayer. We serve such an awesome God!
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