Sabbath

I am sitting here on my hospital bed resting after a "busy" morning.  This morning I was able to get out of bed without help for the first time since surgery.  I brushed my teeth and washed up a bit and that pretty much wiped me out.  I have made progress, though, although I have to write it down to remember.  Saturday, my first day after surgery, I had the catheter removed, ng tube removed and was taken off of oxygetn.  Today I am starting with clear liquid and just trying to feel better.  My abdomen is still pretty tender and I am taking faily substantial pain meds all the time yet so I have a ways to go there. 

I am sad to be here, but relieved that I am bouncing back.  I  missed Tara's birthday party.  Ironically I planned it for almost exactly the same time that I ended up have surgery.  Kylie and Lisa continued on with the party for me, which I am very grateful for.  But sad.  Missed again.  Kyle and the kids visited me for a while yesterday and then headed to the local county fair.  So glad for them to keep their mind off of it all, but sad for me.  This is just not getting any easier.  You would think that I would be used to all this by now! 

I think others are used to it by now.  Not so unusual for me not to be around, not be in church, not being with my kids, Kyle taking care of all the details that a  mom should be doing.  Sometimes it feels like I just fell off of the face of the earth and because I've been out so much, I've just disappeared this time and no one has noticed. 

Surgery Done

This is Kyle posting. It is Friday at 5 pm. Cindy's surgery is done. She is in recovery room for an hour and then will be brought back to her room for the night. I talked with the surgeon. She had 3 adhesions attached to her intestines that were removed and a kink in the intestine that was taken care of. The surgeon said that she had no infections. She was in surgery for approximately 1/2 hour. He said everything went well and that the surgery had to be done. Now we will see how long recovery time will be.

Friday

I deteriorated through the night and the ct scan this am shows the obstruction has gotten worse. I am leaving in a few minutes for Mercy in SC (a larger hospital) and will probably have surgery this afternoon to get the obstruction removed.

Thursday

This is Cindy posting again. I am in the RV hospital with an NG tube. I have an obstructed bowel. Unfortunately, it is halfway down so although the ng tube is draining a lot of stuff, it can't reach that far. They are hoping that with the pressure reduced from the top of the bowel that it may release the obstruction. They are giving 24-48 hours for that to happen. If it doesn't in that time or if there are any other complications I will have surgery. I will be transported to a larger hospital but we haven't decided which one yet. They are guessing that there is a 50/50 chance that I will have surgery.

The pain is much better, and I am on regular pain meds and anti-nausea meds. Yesterday and the day before the pain in my abdomen was intense where today I would call it more uncomfortable. I really dislike the NG tube, though.

The surgeon that visited said that this is most likely due to multiple surgeries in and around my abdomen, particularly 2 summers ago when I had the major infection. I was open from top to bottom then and they believe that scar tissue has attached to my bowels, which is also making it harder for the ng tube to take care of the problem.

I am trying to prepare mentally for another surgery. It probably will not be laproscopic because of the amount of scar tissue so it will take time again to recover. This is pretty discouraging to me. It is hard to understand God's plan in all of this. My head is clear and now my abdomen isn't. I really wonder if I will ever be well long enough to really recover and regain strength. It is becoming more and more difficult for me to even have the desire to bounce back. I am praying right now that the Lord just give me strength.

Last night I didn't get much sleep but the Lord was gracious to me. It seemed as I became more discouraged, comforting scripture verses would run through my mind. Although much of the night is a blur, I distinctly remember the verses in Jeremiah, "I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. . . " and so on. I am glad that the Lord has a plan because I sure don't! I just hope He remembers that I am at the end of my rope!

New happenings

This is Cindy's sister writing, as Cindy is back in the RV hospital. She had a NG put in this afternoon in hopes that it would resolve the issue. The surgeon came in though and advised that surgery was a good possiblity. We will know more tomorrow. Cindy is asking for prayers in hopes that she won't need another surgery. Will keep you updated as we get more information.

Tuesday

Well, I spent another several hours in an emergency room this morning. I am really getting sick of those and hospitals!

I woke up at about 2:00 am with strong pain in my right side, particularly under my rib. As the minutes and hours wore by, the pain became so intense that I couldn't move. I had spasms that took my breath away and unfortunately my knight in shining armor had to come to my rescue once again. He contemplated the ambulance since I wasn't moving, but somehow got me into my wheelchair and then out to the van.

We are still not certain what the problem is. The tests came back normal, but I believe that that there will be more tests coming out in the future that will have more information! :) I think it may be my pancreas acting up again. I am on pain medication and moving just a little so much better than this morning but not great. I had the option of staying in the hospital for the night but I nixed that idea very quickly. I have developed a strong aversion to staying in hospitals! I can rest better in my bed and take pain meds at home. If it isn't much better I will be heading in to repeat tests tomorrow afternoon. I only really had vegetables yesterday and angel food cake with strawberries. However, I ate a meat sandwich Saturday evening and a whole hamburger Sunday evening. You would think that those would have gotten me right away if they are the culprit but that is the only thing I can think of that could have caused this many problems! I really don't know if I will ever eat a hamburger again, though!

I am getting so tired. Each time that I have been in bad shape for a while, I find that it becomes harder to pick up again both physically and mentally. This time has been tough again, and this little hiccup is a bit of a discouragement!

Birthday

I woke up yesterday with a headache. Scared me! It was not a bad headache but enough that it was more than irritating. I took a bunch of ibuprofen and was able to get through it. This morning, thankfully the headache was gone. What a relief! I guess that I can be normal and just get a headache now and then, right? Hard to remind myself of that in the midst of it, though!

My birthday came again today and is nearly gone. It ended up being a bit of a crazy day and I am exhausted now so I think I will retire early. I have continued to have a different perspective on birthday's, though. It is something to celebrate because I made it another year. What a blessing that is!

Saturday

I continue to feel pretty well overall. Being overwhelmed is still a big problem for me and I wonder if there will be an improvement to that or how long. It is difficult feeling better and yet not being able to do what normally people do. I particularly would like to get to the point that I can handle my kids. I know that it isn't easy being a parent to 4 kids in a normal life, but this really is different. It has been some years, but I remember what it was like with four kids--two being quite young--and how that can make life crazy but this is so different that that. It is like I can't process what is happening. I have been reminded many times that I have had this struggle for five years and that I won't get back to normal that quickly. That is head knowledge that I remind myself of often, but harder to deal with emotionally. I "look" normal now so the expectation of some is that I should perform normally as well and although I know that it is not reasonable I have a harder time not expecting it of myself.

The news that Rodney L of SF passing away last night was so sad for Kyle and I. We didn't know them but have been following their story. I think I was having my marathon of surgeries when he was diagnosed with leukemia. Someone told me about him and I have followed his caringbridge since. We have prayed for them and thought about them so often. Kyle has probably related to a certain extent to Kerry as she cared for Rodney and wondered if she would lose him. I hope I can say this the right way but as I look at their situation and even ours, I have often thought that Rodney and I have had the "easier" journey. No, not easy and a lot of pain and suffering and sadness. However, Kerry has had the prospect and now experiencing the loss of Rodney as husband and father to her children for the rest of her life on earth. Yes, the sorrow will become more manageable as time passes but she has had a lot to face prior to his death and now has a gaping hole in her life that will never be filled. Rodney has had to face death but knew that death meant life in heaven. I am sure that he wanted to be a husband and father for many more years but he also knew that if the day came that his life on earth was done, an eternity in heaven is a joyous and marvelous thing! When the pain has become intense, I have had a very strong longing for life in heaven but mourned for those left behind if that day came. Evidently the Lord has a plan for me on this earth yet because I am still here!

Wednesday

I continue to do well overall. For the most part, my headache has remained away. I am having trouble with noise. A couple times I have been in a noisy place and if I end up being in it to long I will have a headache. The worst was yesterday where I had to be in a noisy place for a few hours and ended up needing a shot of pain medication. However, that helped a lot and I am feeling very good again today.

The Maryland doctors have called again to see me and I may end up having to go out there in a few weeks. I would really rather stay home, but we will see how things work out. I haven't made progress on finding a doctor around here and am a little skeptical that I will find one. We were thinking about it the other day and it may be difficult to find a doctor in this area that can perform the test that they use to determine how the shunt is working.

Kyle and I had a nice time away. It was good to get away from the significant stresses we have had the last years. We are blessed! I am so thankful for a loving and caring husband.

Tuesday

Happy 4th of July a day late! What a blessing it was for me to be able to enjoy a day home with our family and I was able to enjoy the fireworks! Usually they are just too much for me.

I continue to do well. My head is clear. We are all thankful each day that I am experiencing this. It is amazing how wonderful it is to have a clear head!

Kyle and I are going to go away for a few days. This is rather unexpected, but good. Kyle has been my caregiver for the last 5 years. I am hoping that he can have a break and enjoy having me as a wife instead of the caregiver/patient relationship. So I won't be writing for a bit. Our kids will be home with family so life will continue as normal for them. Hopefully it will work out well for all!

I just have to say that I have found that we are so blessed and don't always realize how much we have been given. Just being able to get up in the morning and doing what you want to do. How often do we just take these things for granted? I know that I have and still do.

Blessings to all!

Friday

The Lord has been so good to me! I am thankful each morning when I wake up and find that my head continued to be clear! I really didn't remember how it felt to not have a headache. It is wonderful!!!

Of course, with the very good comes some challenges. My body is not where my head is at this point. :) I am weak from being weak for a very long time. I find that I have to rest often, which in a way is harder now because I can clearly see how much needs to be done and where I have been lacking. My memory is improving. My memory issues aren't like those that a typical person has that forgets and then later remembers or is reminded and the memory is right there. I have blank spaces that even if reminded doesn't feel familiar. It is hard to explain, but it is definitely improving and with time I think I will have that back. I am cautious with what I do and say, though, without backup of some kind.

I am still very sensitive to things as well. Not like I was, but instead of hurting my head I become overwhelmed fairly quickly from things going on around me. Having a household of four children right now is very hard. I can't keep up but am doing my best. They aren't used to me being full speed so I am definitely better than before but have a ways to go. My goal right now is just to get to the point that I can handle normal life.