ok

Yesterday and today haven't been the best days again. The headaches have stepped up a notch and my stomach continues to plague me. It is hard to say what is happening. I started a new drug Wednesday night and also doubled the dose of the drug I started the week before. Both of them are considered "preventatives" so we will see what they will prevent. The good news is that although I am more nauseated I have been able to eat. I haven't been taking sleeping pills for a few weeks and that has gone well although I am starting to wake up earlier again b/c of some pain.

I will probably be having an x-ray of my abdomen next week to see where the tubing is. The ns ordered it but it hasn't been scheduled yet. He called to discuss things today and when I recognized his voice immediately he laughed and said that it isn't a good sign when you know your neurosurgeon's voice right away on the phone. I told him that I am really getting sick of this (nicely) and that I was ready to be done with it. He jokingly said that I should have told him that a long time ago and he would have just taken care of it then. More seriously, I asked him why this continues to plague me and he said that I am a very unusual case that just does not respond to normal treatments. I asked him if he wished that he had never heard my name and he said that he actually was very glad that he has been able to work with me. I think that I am presenting a challenge for him.

I so very much long for normal life, with normal problems and normal busy times and labors. Normal probably doesn't exist for anyone but we are so far from it and I wonder if we will ever get near to it again? I really do believe that the Lord is leading us down this path for His best purposes but I don't think I will every understand what His best purpose is in this. I guess I don't need to, but I so long to resume my old life. For now I continue to pray for strength and courage and try to focus on the many things that I have to be thankful for.