Monday

"Be still and know that I am God." I have decided that I really need to focus on this and remember that although I don't understand why I am going through this that God does. Not an easy thing, by a long stretch. Sometimes I am depressed, sometimes angry, and sometimes I can accept it. I really do long for an end to it all, though.

The surgery is scheduled for June 1 in Milwaukee at 11:30. I am having my pre-op appointment tomorrow so if there are any cancellations they will call me and I will have it done earlier. I won't actually be awake--which is a relief to me after I have had time to think about it. I won't go under general anesthesia--for which I am thankful--but they will make me drowsy and forgetful. It sounds to me like Versed (sp?) which is a drug that I appreciate. I spoke with the nurse from Rock Valley today and they were not able to get a local neurosurgeon to do the surgery for me. I have to many problems so not too many want to touch me with a 10 foot pole.

My lower abdomen has gone into rebellion. I am having more pain in my stomach the last four days then I have ever had--and it is pretty constant. If I had to choose between head pain and stomach pain, though, it would be hands down stomach. It can hurt like crazy sometimes but my mind still works. The headaches are still bothersome but don't seem to be progressing much. I started the new drug Friday night and I hardly dare hope that it is holding them in check. It isn't gone but just not progressing. I will continue living and dealing with it one day at a time.