It's a Monday

I have to admit that I am discouraged. For some reason I thought that either the trip to Ames would go a little better or that if it didn't I would recover fairly quickly. It seems that the headaches are stronger and I am more sensitive to noise. Sometimes it seems like it will never end. I wasn't able to attend church yesterday. Out of determination I decided to go to the office this morning which is quiet but I didn't do so well there. Two customers told me that I looked awful, kindly of course, which means that I am not fooling anyone. I am so isolated and feel pretty lonely some days. I don't remember really anything of the holidays last year beyond what my kids have told me and I had so hoped that this year would be different.

I am still working on scheduling the spinal tap for next week, hopefully Tuesday or Wednesday. It is hard to know what to hope for. Do I hope that the pressure is high so that I get a shunt in hopes that it will alleviate all or most of the symptoms? Do I really want them drilling a hole in my head, running a tube through my brain and another hole in my stomach to drain into? On the other hand, in February they did more then put in just a little hole and at that point I didn't really care. (Sorry to be so graphic!) Yes, I probably do if all this goes away. But what if it doesn't? On the other hand, what if the level is now in the normal range with the Diamox (med). I can't live like this!

It is a good that that God is good and on His throne. He knows all things and has a plan for my life and that of my family. Right now I feel like I am beyond what I can handle but He will take care of that, too.