Wedneday & new baby!

Still no word.

I have been struggling with discouragement and feel like I am on the verge of tears a lot of the time. It seems to be a never ending thing. I love to go to sleep at night (with my sleeping pill) and I wake up dreading another long day.

It has been nearly five years since this has become a significant problem. I always think of July 2006 as being the start, although I know that it started at least a year or two earlier than that but it was gradual enough that I could ignore it or at least work through it. I pray that there is an end to it. Tara was nearing 3 and Riley was 4 when I started the battle in earnest with this. They don't know what it is like to have a mom that is normal. They have been told nearly their entire life to talk quietly, walk quietly, be careful around mom, etc. I have missed countless programs, recitals, games and just normal life stuff with all my kids. I am getting to the point that I just don't know how to deal with this anymore.

I can see little good in this, but there is some very great things. I pray much more than I ever did. I am much more diligent in my Bible reading and devotions. My relationship with the Lord is much stronger in part because I have had to trust when I just don't see how to take another step. These are very good things, but I continue to pray that I have learned and that I can become healthy and yet continue growing in the Lord.

One more positive! Tami had her baby yesterday and she was blessed with a beautiful baby girl. Payten Danielle was born at 1:19 pm and is 8 lbs 10 oz. She is beautiful! It was just about 2 years ago that Tami surprised me by visiting me in the hospital with her newborn son. How can my baby sister have two little ones already?