Not much new

I haven't written for a while. I think about writing often but it seems like things have been holding fairly steady. My headaches are pretty constant but mild enough that I can function fairly normally as long as I stay away from a lot of noise and activity. The ear ringing is pretty constant again and seems a little louder, but again I can live with it.

Since the last time I wrote, I really just needed some time to adjust my attitude. As others reminded, many of us go through it and I have needed to work on that. I have been discouraged that things are coming back even though I should be thankful. Compared to what I was experiencing pretty steadily the last 3.5 years, the headaches are much better. I had so hoped that they would go away or at least come and go but it doesn't appear that that will happen for now. I just have to accept that this is the way it is and recognize that it could be so much worse.

My strength does not seem to be improving much. Although I have taken a break from going to physical therapy I have been doing the exercises at home but I don't seem to be progressing much. I remember one of the many doctors that I have seen told me that it may take around two years to regain my strength but I have really begun to wonder if I will not fully regain what I was before. Yes, I am 40 years old and depending on your perspective (namely your age) that can be considered getting older and normal to be slowing down or young and the benefits that come with youth. Either way you slice it, I hope that I do become stronger, both physically and mentally. I still can't deal with things all that well, particularly stressful situations that wouldn't have bothered me before and multiple activities occurring around me. As I tire or become overwhelmed it seems like my brain just starts slowing down and my head hurts more.

Maybe the realities of life as we all know it, with the ups and downs, good and bad, will be fine for me soon. I am getting there. God has been faithful.

One positive thing for me was that I was able to attend work meetings away for two days this week. It was challenging physically and mentally but yet it was so good to participate in them again. I am also excited to be attending the music concert our oldest two kids are participating in tonight. Today has been a quiet day mostly home recovering from my meetings and regaining the strength that I need to go tonight. Silence is still the most restful thing for me and my crazy head!