Learning opportunity

Well, I did something rather um. . . dumb. . . this week. The story begins with my vitamins running out over the weekend. I take several really good vitamins each morning and evening. I knew they would be coming in mid to late this week so I just didn't take any. However, I always take a pill in the morning and evening. But, since I take it with my vitamins I completely forgot to take it. Well, my headache became stronger and stronger. Finally Wednesday morning I told Kyle that I just wasn't sure what to do. Pain medication doesn't really help. Welll, we were discussing it and he asked me about the pill I take. I then realized that I hadn't been taking it! I immediately started taking it again and within a day I started feeling better.

It was not so smart, but it was an interesting test! Obviously I am not just imagining that it helps! I don't think I will do that again. It seems so ridiculous that I forgot to take it, but I think that it was such a habit to take them all together and since the habit was "broken" I just didn't think about it. I am thankful that it really is helping. The yucky weather earlier this week didn't help the situation, either.

Happy Easter

What a blessed day! I really can't remember the last few Easters. It is kind of a scary thing to have such large blocks of time missing in my mind. This was a memorable day, though. We had such an awesome sermon in church today, and the Easter hymns were just beautiful. What a wonderful day to remember!

Kyle's family came to my house for dinner today, which was an accomplishment for me! I used to do these things regularly. However, I have to quickly add that I just took care of the ham and potatoes and they did all the rest of the food. It made it much easier for me, and even then it was a bit exhausting but doable. It was so nice to enjoy their company today, though, and to be able to do something like this again.

We had such a nice dinner on Saturday for Kyle's aunts birthday. It was fun to see many that I haven't seen for quite a while--some not since they visited me in the hospital. I think that I look better now than I did then. What a blessing to find out how many of them have followed this blog. I have been so blessed in many ways through this difficult journey. Kyle publicly thanked them for their support of us which was a bit emotional but we really wanted to express our thankfulness for such kindness shown to us.

I am not giving up, but yet I suspect that I may not completely regain my strength. Perhaps I will need to learn how to live this way. Exercise is still difficult. I can do some, but it doesn't take too much activity to make my head hurt worse. However, if I don't push myself I am not going to gain strength very fast, either. On days that I have kept things pretty low key I can walk around the block. I have learned, though, that if I am not very well rested I had better not try to walk around the block or I will pay for it!

A week has passed. . .

A week has passed since I have written. Things continue to be about the same. I had a couple rough days Friday and Saturday. Part of the problem was the weather change and the other problem was my activity. I attended our church talent show and really enjoyed it but it was much too loud for me. I knew it and made it through a little over half, then had to go into the adjoining hallway that was quieter. It always takes a good 24 hours to "recover" and have my headache settle down. However, I also ended up going shopping for a time on Saturday also, which wasn't so wise but again one of those things. I really needed to do it and it worked for my sister to take me around. I got a lot done but was pretty worn out and the headache wasn't so great, either.

This week so far has been better. I have kept my activity down which seems to help. This will be a busy weekend again, though, with Easter coming up. I am so thankful that I can take part in some of the activities of normal life, though. I really hope that I can gradually regain my strength and continue working into a more normal life.

continuing along

I seem to be holding fairly steady. Yesterday wasn't so great, but still quite tolerable. Things seem to stay fairly busy and sometimes I am amazed at how much I am doing while other times I get a bit frustrated at how little I can do. What a crazy problem. It boils down to perspective. If I compare it to life before headaches, I am doing pathetically little. If I think about what I could do 6 months ago or a year ago, I have made progress.

Probably the best thing to me right now is the typical person that sees me doesn't immediately worry about me collapsing in front of them. I think I am looking pretty normal. A few months ago if stranger saw me they seemed to become quite concerned about me staying on my feet. Now I really don't get comments from strangers--it is nice to blend in. :) Although having hair covering my head probably helps that a bit. :)

Have I said lately how thankful I am to be alive? I am so glad that I am here with my husband and kids, seeing their programs and hearing them talk about things that are exciting them. It would have been easier for me if I hadn't pulled through everything, but I would have missed so much! It makes me sad thinking about my kids growing up without a mom. I am thankful that the Lord saw fit to keep me here a while longer. I may not be the "old" mom that could do everything I could do with and for them before, but at least I am here.

Busy times

It has been a busy time again, but I am doing ok over all! The older kids were in the school play and did a great job. The school auction was fun but much too loud (even with earplugs) so I paid for the short amount of time I spent in the actual auction for a couple days with a stronger headache. Yesterday Tara slammed her finger in the door and really hurt her finger. Kyle and I were gone so Tanner cleaned it up and wrapped it. Since she was playing I didn't worry much until I took off the bandaid this morning. The flesh was scraped way down and very swollen. I may have seen bone--there was a spot of white--so I brought her in. It wasn't broken and no tendons severed so they cleaned it a little more and sent us on our way. It looks really awful. No stitches I think because it was too swelled and not enough flesh to stitch. I've never had a strong stomach but thought after all the surgeries I have had that I would be a little tougher, but this one was a little much for me. I held it together but . . .I decided Kyle might have to take care of the daily rebandaging of this one!

It's been a year. . .

since Kyle and I said our good-byes. A year ago today I had a complication a day after a shunt surgery and we both thought I was going to die. I rather suddenly had incredible pain in my head that pain meds couldn't touch. It was a horrible time of incredible pain and tearful good-byes as I tried to give a few messages for Kyle to pass on to those I love. Facing death tends to refine you. I remember little about the time, but I do remember Kyle holding my hand and periodically reading to me from the Psalms. . . the only real comfort that I had.

I am thankful to be able to look back at that day and a few others that we thought may be the end and know that I am still here. The Lord has a plan for my life--a plan for each of our lives. I am thankful that I am still a mom to my kids and a wife to my faithful husband. The Lord has blessed us.

And Kyle tells me that it is a Saint Patricks Day that he will never forget.

Sabbath

Another day of rest has come and is nearly gone. How quickly time seems to be going by.

Well, Friday was a big day and I didn't feel so good Saturday. But today has been better again, so that recovery period isn't too bad. So what did I do Friday? I worked for 2 hours at the office, drove to Sioux City, had lunch with my sister while my van was worked on, drove home, rested then had supper out with a few friends. Our oldest daughter also had two friends overnight for her birthday. Not an exceptionally strenuous day for the normal person, so Kyle had to laugh a little that I had really accomplished very little but needed a day to recover. But the other side is that I actually did all of those things and a few months ago I never would have been able to do that much. So I can't measure my accomplishments by what others can do but by the tiny steps I continue to take in the right direction.

The Lord has blessed us so much. We have had a tough time, and had significant challenges. But God has been so good to us and provided the grace and strength each day in the exact measurements that we have needed. If I didn't know with all my heart that God is in control, that he has planned this difficult time for my growth and time of testing, I don't think that I would have made it. I really don't know how a person that doesn't have a sincere faith in the Lord can deal with the things that we have endured. He didn't make it easy for us, but he didn't promise easy. He did promise to be with me every step of the way, though, and what a comfort that is.