Wednesday

I had my ultrasound again today.  I won't have any official results or decisions from the doctor for a while yet.  However, I was able to find out two things.  First, the complex cyst they are watching is still there but perhaps slightly smaller.  Second, I have another cyst that is very large!  To my untrained eye my guess would be that it isn't concerning but the tech thought that it is a complex cyst as well.  She is surprised that I am not feeling pain with it.  So now we will see what the doctor has to say.

My head is still doing well.  I am just amazed that the Lord has answered our prayers in this way at this time.  Today as I walked through the hospital to have the ultrasound done, I had to stifle excitement that perhaps I won't have to spend much time in hospitals in the future!  I know hospitals are places of healing for which I am thankful, but I really have spent way to many days in hospitals over the last 6 years and I would prefer to call those days history!

It is interesting to me how life has changed.  While my head was bad, I was providentially able to block conflict and difficult things from my mind.  If I allowed myself to think about difficult things my head would just get worse very quickly.  It truly was a gift from the Lord that let me so successfully block those things because I just couldn't deal with them.  Now, however, I am not able to block those things.  And there are some things going on right now that hurt and I would  like to block them!  There are so many blessings in having a clear head, but this has been the hardest part for me.  In addition, I am seeing so many ways that I have lacked as a parent and wife over the last years and it has been a difficult transition for everyone, including myself, to have the "real me" back.  Of course, even thought my head is much better I know that I still lack in many areas but I am trying to improve some things but it isn't easy.

In all of my prayers for healing, I really didn't think about the things that I would need to deal with if I were healed.  I am so thankful and grateful for having the opportunity to begin living life a little more normally.  But there are challenges that I didn't anticipate.  Perhaps this is a reminder from the Lord that I will continue to rely on Him for all things and that He still is in control of each moment of my life.