Oh dear, the weather is changing

The weather is changing and I can feel it. Oh, the joys. I just have to remind myself that this is so much more tolerable than "before." So we can deal with it, I guess. I know that chiari can cause chronic pain and I also know that the intracranial hypertension can cause chronic pain. I wonder which is causing me more problems. I always assume the latter, but I guess I shouldn't assume and really I guess it doesn't matter. The bad thing is that I know that I lose my patience and have a lower tolerance of things when the pain level is up a little. I have to keep working on that.

Tara had her stitches removed on Friday and it went pretty well. She is so dramatic and was very nervous about it all, but the bribery of a donut afterwards if she didn't scream (she could cry I told her) seemed to do the trick. After the first stitch was out she declared that it didn't hurt and the next ones were out much easier. The donuts were good!

Thursday

Not a lot to report today. The weather was a little better which helped, but now is a little unsettled. I've had some general stress that seems to make things worse. Of all the crazy things, our office front door won't open because the cement in front of it heaved up a tad bit too much. After 6 years in this office, you would think things would be fine, but. . .So people are routed through our back door as we try to figure out what to do. Someone is going to try to ground down the cement a little this afternoon so we will see how that goes. Work is extra busy, the kids are extra busy and Kyle is working exta nights at the pizza place. Add to that his elder responsibilites have resumed and it makes life a little crazier than I can really handle.

I've been thinking about pain, pain tolerance and its affects on us. I sometimes really wish I could be in another persons body and experience a headache they consier bad so I could compare. Am I am wimp? I don't think I am but yet somedays I do have to question about everything. How do each of us tolerate pain? How do we deal with it? How do you classify pain? I hate the pain scale that doctors use, although there has to be some way to measure pain. To me, a headache that is an 8 to a 10 is a headache that has me writhing in pain in a hospital or emergency room, unable to communicate effectively and hoping that death is coming quickly. :) I have seen others rate a headache an 8 to a 10 and still go to work, laugh and function somewhat normally. So what is a true 8-10 pain rating? I guess it doesn't matter really, but does make it difficult to describe to a doctor how you are feeling when the measurement is so subjective. I am totally guessing, but the daily headache that I have now is probably a headache that others would think is a "bad" headache and that makes me think about these things. Ultimately, it is what it is and each of us have to learn how to deal with pain in our own ways and as effectively as we can. My suffering isn't any more important or somehow worse than another persons suffering and pain, but just the burden that the Lord has given each of us to bear.

Saturday

I am feeling a little better again today. I have suspected for some time that I am slightly overdraining since my last shunt adjustment. But the next setting seems to cause me to not drain enough so it seems that overdraining might be a better choice than underdraining. Kind of a funny thing to have to choose. Hmmm, I wonder if it is better to have too much fluid in my brain or too little--let's just change that! I guess before this happened I didn't think about my brain, let alone how much fluid it is floating in. Crazy how life can change.

We had some excitement in our home this week. Tara needed stitches in her hip! She decided, while getting ready to take a bath, to use a sharp scissors that I have up on a shelf that she can't reach to do something. She got on a stool, got the scissors, did her thing and when she jumped off the counter she somehow swiped her bare hip. The cut was not deep but it laid open about 1/4 inch and it is about 1 1/2" long. Three stitches, many tears and hysterics on her part and now she is healing. I am very thankful that it wasn't much worse and really hoping that this is a lesson in obedience! We've had many discussions about the consequences of making bad choices. The rather funny part is that after she realized that she had gotten cut she had the presence of mind to climb back onto the stool and put the scissors away to try to hide her disobedience before she came running out crying and hysterical. It was rather shocking to see her screaming, buck naked and running through the front room with blood gushing down her leg!

I wish. .

I really wish the weather would settle down! Another storm tomorrow with an expected 8" of snow. The snow is bad enough, but this weather has not been so good on my head. I am really hoping things can settle down in a variety of ways in hopes that my head will start feeling better!

Good news--I had half a hamburger last night and felt pretty normal! Friends gave us some organic hamburger to try so we gave it a shot and it was a go! I will probably try regular hamburger from our freezer one of these days and see if it goes as well, but this is a huge step! I am ready to eat normally--I love beef! Overall my stomach has been feeling better although Christmas snacking and meals weren't always tolerated so well. I am making progress in the food area, which is encouraging. Now I just need to get my head settled down and feeling better!

Great sermon

A great reminder for me from the Heidelberg Catechism: What is my only comfort in life and in death? That I am not my own but belong to my faithful Saviour, Jesus Christ. (I've shortened it) Romans 8 is the basis for this statement where Paul states that he is content in his circumstances, no matter what they may be. What a good reminder to me as I reflect on the challenges I've experienced. God is in control and has my life planned exactly how it is best for me. These difficulties are all for my good and I need to remember that and trust the Lord. I've been a little emotional the past few days, thinking about the journey through 2009 and wondering what 2010 will look like. God is in control, though, and I just need to rest in Him.

Happy New Year!

Wow! Can it be 2010?

Today I have spent some time in reflection, but I can't say it is all so positive. For the most part I stay pretty positive about how things are going and don't dwell on the problems but try to focus on the blessings. Today I do wonder what the next year will bring. Will there be any cure's or total relief? What is causing the headaches? Is it the intracranial hypertension or could it go back to the chiari issue or maybe a combination of the two? Will it ever get better or at the very least stay the same? What does life hold for me--will I ever regain my strength? Participate in normal life "stuff" again?

Please don't get me wrong--I am so thankful to be doing better. This has been the best I have been for a period of time for 3 1/2 years. I am grateful and thank the Lord for His many blessings. But I've not been feeling as good the last little while and of course that makes me wonder what direction I am going. I'm not being pessimistic but just wondering. I'm not sure I can survive another year like 2009.

New years eve

Another week has passed. The holiday season has been wonderful and difficult. It is so good to be able to participate but it has been too much for me. Between the storms coming through and just too much going on, I haven't been feeling so great at all. I've really tried to behave and not do to much but it seems that just having the activity going on around me is still too much. Hopefully as things start settling down I will start feeling a little better again. As usual, it is a little unnerving to have my head hurting a little more and the ringing in my ears is louder and constant.

This morning we went out for breakfast with Kyle's parents before work, which was so nice! Then the kids went to Karleen's house where they will stay overnight tonight. We will drive down to get them tomorrow. I have really needed some quiet time and am trying to relax now and hopefully that will help things a bit.