Sunday

Yesterday was rough but today is much better. I am so thankful! I didn't make it through church again because the sound system was too loud for me, but I could listen in the hall. My head yesterday was the worst it has been since this summer. It is hard not to start wondering if this is the start again. My biggest question that looms in my mind is if I have to have a shunt revised again, who will do it? Probably the doc in SF but he hasn't actually worked in my brain like the other has, which honestly makes me a little more nervous. Hopefully I won't have to make that decision for a very long time!

??

I may have tried a little too much yesterday, particularly going to our school's soup supper last night. My head is hurting more this morning than it has for quite a while. The barometer is level and as far as I know there aren't storms forcasted. It is overcast but that doesn't always cause me problems. Once again I am working very hard at just taking this a day at a time. I really can't let one day throw me into a panic. I sound like I am working very hard to convince myself. . . and I am.

A reminder. . God is in control

Well, my last post described the good-bye of Evan. Today we are reminded that God's plans are above our plans. The doctors said that the end at hand but that was not the case. We don't know what His plans are, but Evan is still living. I really don't know his prognosis at this point, but he has been given precious days with this family that were not expected. What a blessing!

I continue to do better than I had been. I'm not sure if it is the muscle relaxer or if I am just going through a little better time--it often seems that I go up and down a little. But this "up" has lasted a little while now, which is encouraging.

heartache

My thoughts and prayers are with the VG family today as they wait for their beloved Evan to leave his earthly body of suffering. His accident occurred on my birthday this summer--July 21, causing severe brain injury. He has developed an infection in the spinal fluid that is causing severe intracranial hypertension. Please keep this family in your prayers as they say good-bye. "Yea, as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil. For You are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before my enemies. My cup overflows."

Thursday

I am continuing to have a better week. Even with a system moving in right now it seems like it hasn't affected me nearly as much as it was. I hope I'm not speaking too quickly! It is a relief to feel better and it gives me a little more optimism that I can deal with this. I was becoming discouraged last week and the week before because I was feeling worse and it was becoming more difficult to deal with it. Still not terrible at all, but just more painful and more wearing. Pain can become so exhausting sometimes! I try very hard to take everything one day at a time and remain optimistic but it is harder sometimes when the pain level is higher.

My ability to eat foods continues to improve. I am able to eat a little more beef. It bothers me but it is tolerable if I limit how much I have and only try it once during the day. The rash seems to be getting a little worse. Gr. . . A minor irritation but an irritation all the same. But I will take a rash any day over a strong headache! My ears are still ringing all the time. But life is good. The Lord has blessed me so richly!

Better

I have been consistently taking a muscle relaxer twice a day and that seems to be helping a little. I am trying to take things a little slower, too, which is probably a help. Plus, today the sun is shining! (Althought it is absolutely freezing outside!) So, perhaps a combination of everything but whatever it is I will appreciate it and hope things improve a little more.

Reality

I have to admit, finally, that I am not doing as well. Not terrible! So I hate to complain. But I feel like I am just not as good. My head is bothering me a little more and because of that I am not moving forward with gaining strength, either. I think it has been about 1.5 to 2 weeks now that I haven't been feeling as well. Is it all weather? I don't know. So, what to do? I don't know that, either. I decided last night to start a muscle relaxer again--I have some left over. I can take it morning and night but just started with one at night. I think tomorrow I will take one in the morning, too. I have been holding out on going to physical therapy--I just haven't wanted to make any more contributions toward my deductible. However, I think that might be the next step. It seems like the ultrasound and massage on my neck and shoulder helps. That also makes me wonder if this headache is more chiari related than the intracranial hypertension. In ways it really doesn't matter, but if it is the IH getting worse, it would not be good. I am enjoying having hair and another surgery just doesn't sound all that appealing. That is jumping to a big conclusion, though, and I am not nearly bad enough for that resort.

The frustrating thing is that in many ways I feel like I am on my own with this. The neurosurgeons really don't want to see me unless I get really bad and need a surgery. I certainly don't want that! So I am trying to self-diagnose and self-treat. Not sure if that is wise, but I really don't know what else to do. Maybe this weather will blow over here pretty soon and I will start improving.