Wednesday

I have nothing new to report, which is a good thing I think! My headache is staying pretty steady at very tolerable. I hope and pray it stays like this! The pancreas is still bothering me. Yesterday morning I had an episode that was a little scary. I suddenly had extremely intense pain in my right side where the pancreas is. It came on very quickly and lasted maybe 30 seconds and then receded. It totally stopped me in my tracks and I was alone at home which scared me a bit since I couldn't move. So I don't know what that was, but this pancreas issue is getting a little old. I am longing for a good ole steak and some mexican food! :)

Another week

Time keeps passing. . . I feel like I say that over and over! :)

My mom reminded me that I am getting better because I am starting to see so many projects around the house that need to get done. I was expressing frustration that I just can't seem to get these things done and she reminded me that this is a very good sign because a few months ago and before with headaches, I couldn't think well enough to figure out what needed to be done. My sisters were checking the kids' clothes because I didn't have the where with all to figure out what they might need or what they had grown out of. So I may not be getting many projects done, but I am sure seeing them! :) My poor, poor husband. :)

My head is still doing pretty good although not quite as good as it had been. Maybe we can have the shunt adjusted open a little more when I go the end of September. I am a little nervous about that because the more that it drains the more likely it is that my brain will collapse on the tubing. We don't need that because that would then mean another surgery--yuck! So we will see what he has to say. It is still very good yet, though. I can think, listen to music, etc. It would be "interesting" to experience this headache in another time of my life just to see what I "normally" would think of it. I really think my pain tolerance has gone through the roof. I had a tetnus shot a month ago and I remember last time I thought it was achy and uncomfortable. This time I didn't notice it. The same holds through today--I had a flu shot and they warned me that it would probably ache for a few days and I am not feeling anything. Kind of funny. That is a very good thing, I guess!

Moving on

Ok, I had to get past a few things last week and am determined to move forward. I really am, too. I just have to remind myself of that. Sometimes people see me for a short time and assume that I should be back to normal because I seem normal for those moments. Then I get frustrated because if they think I should be back to normal, I really should. I try to do too much then get stopped and am miserable. What a windy road we walk sometimes.

I decided on Thursday that I am done with hats. My hair is about 1/2 to 3/4 inch long now and mostly covers the incisions in the front. I even went to church without a hat this Sunday for the first time I think since December. Wow! I must say I feel like I forgot to fully get dressed when my hat is missing, but it is so nice not to have it on. When I am around people that don't know me I still get double takes and looks, but I guess I did when I had a hat on, too.

Since I have enjoyed the Psalms so much I am doing a study on the Psalms of Ascents, and that has been so good for me. The Lord has been so gracious and patient with this impatient woman that lacks faith even though He has been so faithful to me. I pray that my faith continues to grow through the trials He has set before me.

whining

I was so down yesterday. It seems like this just never ends and I so long to be healthy. I think a variety of things hit yesterday including a long holiday weekend with extra activities, wrong food and continuing weather fronts coming through. My side hurt, my head hurt and I was just sick of it. When those things happen, of course everything else looks worse than it is. I become so overwhelmed with everything and it just seems like there won't be an end or "resolution." Of course, life is complicated with four children and a business to run. Then the loneliness sets it and I can just get myself into quite a downward path.

Thankfully today my side isn't hurting as much and my head is feeling better which helps me to put things into perspective. It could be so much worse--and has been!

Another week nearing a close

Time just keeps marching on! I just can't believe that it is Labor Day weekend already!

I am doing about the same. By today I was more tired after working mornings this week. It seems to just wear me out. My long incision is still bothering me, and I am noticing it more as I wear pants and jeans that rub against it instead of the sweatpant material that is much softer that I have worn more since coming home. It is still a thick scar and very red. The others seem to be looking better and fading a bit. The rash has improved although it is still there. I think it will probably just keep improving with time.

This time of year does concern me a bit. The last three years I have declined rapidly during the later fall season so I am praying that this fourth fall dealing with these problems will go much better. I don't dwell on it but it is always in the back of my mind that things could deteriorate again in the next month or two. That scares me to think about it but yet I know that the Lord will give me and our family the strength to deal with it if that is His plan. He has been so merciful to us already.

Progress

I feel like I can say that I am making progress! I have been working mornings at the office the last few days. It is still very overwhelming but I am thankful to be moving forward. I can honestly say that I am not "as" exhausted by things as I have been--or at lest not as frequently. I still get pretty wiped out quite regularly.

My kids are through their first week of school and it seems to be going well for all. Tara particularly is thrilled with school and she wishes she could go every day like her siblings. That will come. Be careful what you wish for! :) I remember wishing that life would slow down, and did it ever! Not really what I had in mind!

The eating is improving. I ate a little bit of beef roast tonight, and while it made me a little nauseated, it wasn't terrible. Progress!

patience

I need to continue exercising patience. This has been a week where I feel like I can see that I have improved a bit. I am getting a little bit stronger and doing a little bit more. Today was a fun day. To celebrate my 40th and my dad's 60th birthday (our b-days are less then a month apart) we drove to Okoboji together and rode the Queen II boat ride around the lake then went out for supper. We did this without kids and just had a very relaxing and enjoyable time celebrating this milestone in both of our lives. My dad promised me while I was in the hospital that if I recovered from my illness we were going to celebrate--so we enjoyed that celebration today. I need to continue remembering that it is an accomplishment to simply be here, and my strength mentally and physically will come.